Delayed gratification


I feel imprisoned by myself.
On one side, desire.
On the other side, rationality.
My irrational animal-side feels trapped by the cage of rationality.
I do not want to identify with the animal. And yet I am that too.
Have I been asking too much of myself?

But isn’t it the idea to overcome primal drives?
Well, that’s one idea alright.
But it’s not mandatory either.
There’s no right way to play life. It’s just a ride.

However it does feel mandatory when I think of it.
It’s like chess. Not all moves are equal.
Some put me in better positions than others,
regardless of the specifics of the outcomes.

Like binge eating.
Feels good in the moment,
yet I regret it afterwards.

Long-term vision empowers one
to choose delayed gratification.
Has my long-term vision been impaired?

If it had, I would not be here
struggling with this issue.
I would have just done whatever comes to mind.
Irresponsibly, and yet
(despite of what it feels like)
not happier.

Oh, snap! I see now!
To desire is to suffer.
The content of the desire is irrelevant.
I should attack this problem from a meta perspective.

Back to the meditation cushion…